https://ncode.syosetu.com/n5562hc/71/
Boundary
My bathrobe came off as soon as we got to Lily’s room from the bathroom and the door was closed, and Lily threw my body onto her bed.
Locks of damp silver hair hung down over me, stray droplets falling down onto my face. Each droplet clung to my cheeks before rolling down onto the mattress below like raindrops falling off a leaf.
It’s too dark for me to make out the finer details of Lily’s face, but I know she’s smiling right now. She must’ve thrown off her robe the same time I did. I can feel her bare skin brushing against my own.
“Liffy. From now on, I will try to be honest with you. With my feelings and my desires.”
“H-Have you been trying to hide them until now?”
It feels like she’s done whatever she wanted with me until this point, but if she’s been holding back, will I be able to take whatever it is she wants?
“Well…. the two may not be so different in this case. I have never properly conveyed my feelings before. And I have hidden what I wished to do. You always seemed like you were satisfied though, so I thought it was fine.”
Rather than sexual desire, I guessed she was more talking about how she interacts with other people, and I was filled with a concerning mixture of relief and disappointment.
I stared into Lily’s eyes, waiting for her next words. She’s blinking a lot. Must be nervous.
Thinking about it, I’m always only making Lily nervous. She said in the bathroom I’m too passive with her.
If I want Lily to speak, I need to speak up too.
“I like you Lily.”
Her eyes popped open. She’s always unconsciously holding back her emotions, so if this is how she reacts on the outside, I can only imagine what’s going through her head.
A silence continued on long after my words had faded.
But as that silence continued on, Lily’s lips trembled, and she eventually opened her mouth.
“Liffy…. I like you too.”
I knew what she was going to say, so I mentally prepared myself during that silence. Those preparations were immediately washed away by the growing, swirling motions bursting forward from my heart.
That vortex of emotions rushed through every inch of my body and gathered around my eyes. I’ve always thought crying when you’re happy was insane, but I couldn’t deny the tears falling down my cheeks.
Those tears mixed together with the droplets still dripping down off Lily’s hair, but no matter how much I wiped them away, the water just continued to fall. I didn’t realize it, but Lily was crying too. And through those tears, Lily once again spoke.
“I love you…. so let’s stop.”
In an instant my mind was yanked back to its calm self. I knew what she was trying to say without needing it explained to me. A complete end to our relationship.
That’s why I raised up my body and pressed my back against the wall like I was running away from her. Lily didn’t move from where she was though. She just kept staring at the spot where my face had been and continued to cry.
“What do you mean?”
“Exactly what I said.”
“Please tell me the reason. It’s you, so I know you’re thinking something.”
Neither surprise nor anger appeared in me. Lily’s just that kind of person. For some reason she wants to keep me away from her, and the way she expresses that is just a little clumsy. No, really clumsy I guess.
Lily raised her head and looked at me again. This isn’t going to be another fight like in the bathroom. Lily’s calmed down a bit, and I’m willing to listen.
“Nerine…. or rather, I am worried about my father. You will most likely be his next target. Ran and Peony are more egoistical, and I doubt he would want to mess with the audition too much by sabotaging all of the highest ranked participants. However he saw the two of us together before, and we are in the same team. That makes you his new best option.”
Lily predicted the future without any doubt that she might be wrong. It’s impossible to know the future, but she would know her father better than anyone, and considering the whole kidnapping incident that just happened, she’s going to have a lot of credibility.
But that doesn’t mean I’m going to give up on Lily. I finally got the words I wanted to hear after this time. Like hell I’m just going to let things end here.
“Lily. The premise of that story relies on the idea that I am going to betray you. Do you really think I’d do that?”
Lily made a face like someone just jabbed a finger into a cut.
“I…. of course not. However, my father is cunning. He has already tricked Nerine, and there is no telling what other tricks he may have up his sleeve. What if he were to tell you he would allow us to be together if you sabotage my position in the election? He would ignore the fact we are both women. What if he goes so far as to say he will use all his authority to safeguard our relationship?”
“I would refuse. If your father is safeguarding us, you wouldn’t be free in the truest sense of the word. And I wouldn’t be happy either if the two of us were only allowed to be happy while being kept caged up like a couple of birds.”
I needed to face Lily head on and say what I needed to say. I don’t have an adult’s composure. I can’t just rub her back or trace my fingers across her cheek and baselessly assure her that everything’s going to be okay.
“A person can say whatever they want.”
Lily was stubbornly refusing to trust me. Nerine is like a little sister to her, and it was her own, blood-related father who instigated her betrayal. This whole thing must be affecting her more than I thought.
There’s nothing I can do but use my actions to gain her trust.
“Lily, follow me.”
I dragged Lily off the bed while she was still naked and led her to the room’s window. The cold night air played against my bare skin when I opened them up, and the curtains blew back behind us. Those curtains wrapped around, draping us in makeshift clothes.
“I’m serious Lily. And I want you to be serious too. Nerine felt awful about what she was being made to do, and when I talked to her alone today, she ended up crying herself to sleep in my arms. If I were to ever do the same, this is how I’d feel!”
I set my foot on the window frame and let my weight carry me forward. The slightest push would send me falling out. We’re only on the second floor, so the fall wouldn’t kill me, but we’re high enough that my feelings should get through to her.
“Stop! Get down from there!”
Lily grabbed my arm, pulling me out of the window and throwing me on the floor. The curtains wrapped around Lily alone, looking like a dress woven from moonlight. It’s a beauty that no painting would ever be able to capture. I want to make that beauty mine. That raw desire…. is really embarrassing when I think about it and makes it hard to look directly at her.
“Stop being stupid Liffy!”
“I don’t want to hear that from the stupid naked lady wearing curtains for clothes! Lily, if anything happened, you’d be willing to throw yourself off that tower right? Well I’m the same.”
Lily shyly pulled back the curtains and reclosed the window.
“I’m always the one being protected. You saved me again just a few hours ago. Today I was kidnapped, but you were the one they were after. And if they had gotten you, that would’ve been it. I couldn’t have saved you. I never would’ve been able to follow their trail.”
Lily was quietly digesting everything I said. I know what I’m saying is incoherent. But I have to keep my mouth moving in order to not fall into Lily’s pace.
“But that changes from now on. I am going to be more active for you. When you’re having a hard time, I’ll be the one to charge in and take down a dragon with one hit. So stop thinking you need to protect me. We’re already equal!”
I have no evidence to back up my words. I’m just acting cocky because my ego’s gotten bigger lately, and I don’t know if my ability will be able to pay the bill my mouth is working up.
But I have to lie to show Lily I’ve gotten at least a little bit stronger. I should be seen through immediately, but I’m willing to let my resolve carry me through.
“….I understand. But this does not mean I wish for you to carry everything yourself either. We are friends.”
Lily sat down cross-legged in front of me.
“More than just friends right? Friends, party members, comrades. What else?”
I also came in front of Lily and brought my face in front of hers. My forehead pressed against hers as her noses brushed up near each other, yet our all-important lips still kept some distance.
“Step back”
Lily averted her eyes to try and hid her embarrassment.
“Don’t wanna. I want to know what Lily thinks.”
“Didn’t you say we are supposed to be equal now? How about responding to my efforts a little?”
“This and that are different. Do you really like me?”
“Of course. And you?”
“I-I like you.”
I said it. I wanted to push Lily into a corner, but somehow our positions are getting reversed again.
Lily moved back to her bed, sitting down on the edge with a large, satisfied smile.
“Thank you. Now, please show me the proof of your loyalty.”
Her crossed legs moved like the intro to a ballet.
I can’t let Lily decide the pace because I’ll end up getting swept away. Despite knowing that ahead of time, I crawled on all fours and came in front of Lily like a bug scurrying over the floor.
Experimental Translations 