https://ncode.syosetu.com/n9531ga/81/
Episode 81: Alcoholic Panic
The clubroom was so lively I could hear them even in the hallway as I made my way to the bathroom alone….except that’s not actually where I’m going. Well, it is, but not because I actually I have to use it. I’m just excited to see how well my little plan works.
Right now I need to create an alibi. This way I can put off eating any of the chocolates myself and put off any of the girls realizing what was going on….and who knows, maybe I can get out of eating any of them myself entirely. There’s no point to any of this if I’m the one who gets drunk. Now, who among them will the chocolates affect most? I’m excited to see what happens next….
As I sit on the warm toilet seat, I think about how to deal with those beautiful girls if any of them get tipsy. You’d usually associate a bathroom with having a dirty image, but the ones here are really comfy. The air freshener isn’t so thick it makes you sick, and each toilet has a fully-featured bidet. Each individual stall has plenty of leg room, big enough to even fit your bag if you brought it with you. And of course, there is some sanitizing spray available in case you ever need it. I can just sit here, relax, and think about whatever I want without any worries….. Hm….? Right now, I’m doing the pose with my hands clasped together and my chin resting on my fingers. Maybe I, look really cool…..?
No no, there’s no way I actually look good like this while sitting on a toilet. My face is pretty plain. Something like this is much more suitable for a cool beauty like Ranko.
It’s pretty well impossible to tell how high someone’s tolerance to alcohol is just by looking at them, and there really isn’t much alcohol in those chocolates either. Honestly, most people would start feeling sick from all the sugar they’re eating before the alcohol has any effect on them. It’s not like I’m out anything if this doesn’t work. It’s just a small joke I’m throwing in to have a little fun with everyone. As long as everyone has a little fun with it, I’m happy.
My research has told me that the whiskey bonbon plan is best used after a Friday night movie when you and the other party feel like “more than friends” but aren’t quite in love territory yet――so I figured right about now would be good enough since the signs are pointing to at least some level of affection here. Although….I’ll admit to a little bit of arrogance on my part to think that there was at least a little romance there from the very beginning….
However if I just let every day pass me by like normal, there is a chance that someone will get caught up in their emotions and drop a nuclear bomb of a confession. If I get confessed to, I will need to give an answer whether it be positive or negative, and accepting one person’s confession is going to have an effect on the others, probably even cutting off those routes entirely.
In other words, this is the perfect time to let the drunkenness drop everyone’s guards a little bit and allow me to cozy up to them a little more before the thought of confessing has even crossed most of their minds….I figure this is going to be my first and last chance to pull off this plan since my relationship with everyone is already starting to feel romantic.
I watched the water swirl down the drain and put an end to my thoughts with the closing of the lid. I washed my hands, but while I looked at my reflection in the mirror (I wonder how red my face would get if I got drunk), Saki walked into the bathroom. It’s really hard to tell if the alcohol has had any effect on her because her cheeks always have a slight pinkish tinge to them along with her fresh peach-like lips.
“I came to pick flowers as well~…. Eh, why are you staring at yourself like that? Did you happen to fall in love with yourself~?”
“No, just making sure I look fine.”
I rubbed my cheeks a little bit as I said it to make it seem like I was applying skin lotion.
“Of course~ Yuri-chan has such a pretty, boyish face that I get the wrong idea sometimes~”
“D-Do I…..?”
A pretty boy…..? I figured I had a pretty average, androgynous face, so I should be happy…..I think? I guess that’s a compliment, and I am happy to be called pretty no matter the context…..but I’m trying to start a same-sex relationship here, and if she’s treating me like a man, that is going to start problems later down the line. But maybe I’m overthinking the whole thing, and she’s just trying to call me cool? I don’t know what to do.
I fell silent while my brain ran through all of that, but meanwhile, Saki was fidgeting in place with her hand resting on the stall handle.
“Ufufu….. will you be waiting for me~? Or maybe….you wanted to stop and listen to me pick flowers?”
Oh no no no. If you get all quiet and stare at somebody, of course they’re going to start asking questions. Sure I sat and thought about the high-performing bidets when I was by myself, but talking with someone else about….picking flowers? It should really go without saying that I do NOT have that kind of hobby.
“Pervy….A-Anyway, I’ll head back first”
“Ah~, shame~…..”
“Huh?”
You mean it’s a shame I’m not waiting for you right? I mean, if you really want me to stay, I suppose I could…..
But Saki had a bit of a Kansai accent to her voice when she was talking just then. It just kind of slipped out while she was talking, and I don’t think she really noticed….I probably shouldn’t mention it to her.
♠
When I got back to the clubroom, I could hear voices calling for me before I even opened the door. Perhaps….? My heart was racing as I walked through.
“I’m back.”
Honoka was the first to turn as I greeted everyone, and…..
“Yu-chan!!! Love youーーー!!! I love you sooooooooo much!”
“Woah!”
There must have been some kind of tripwire attached to the doorknob. As soon as it was all the way open, Honoka exploded out of her seat, and she charged towards me, throwing her arms around my sides for a tight hug. There was no time for me to dodge out of her way. Okay, maybe there was a little time, but the part of me that didn’t want to dodge out of the way caused me to hesitate. I wasn’t able to keep my balance when her whole body barrelled into mine, so my back fell onto the linoleum floor…..I know it’s not concrete, but that still really hurt. Forget that though-the beautiful girl takes priority over any pain. And from the looks of it, my plan was a success.
Honoka was now in my arms, burying her face into my chest. She could be drooling right now for all I know, and I’d totally let her get away with it.
Which is probably what led to…..
“Woah hoah! Beautiful boobs are the best!!!”
her squeezing my chest with both her hands. It was a lot rougher than she normally does. It actually kind of hurts? But, if this is what it takes to please a beautiful girl, I guess I just have to bear with it…..that said, the blatant sexual harassment in a room with other people is leaving me a little embarrassed…..
“Are you an old man!? What’s wrong with you Honoka!”
It feels a little awkward asking someone “What’s wrong with you?” when you know exactly what’s wrong with them and know that it’s entirely your fault that they’re like this. But, I have to do it. I can’t go making it obvious that this little “accident” was on purpose.
“Gue Heheー Yu-chan~”
The problem child didn’t make any move to answer my question. I gently pulled Honoka (who until this point had still not stopped going at my chest) away and tried standing up only to find Yuzuriha standing right there waiting for me. The alcohol must have had an effect on her too. Her entire face is a bright shade of red. How unfortunate~
Without saying a word, she took my hands…..and didn’t hug me. Instead, she just wanted to guide me over to my seat?
“Yuriha-chan’s cheeks are so softー”
She sat down on my lap, her face facing mine, and started rubbing my cheeks with her own. There’s no beating how soft her face feels, but I suppose I should be happy for the compliment?
“Everyone else has already fallen to my cheeks, but Yuriha-chan never touches me…. It’s a shock…. So now, I’ll make you understand.”
Just when I was starting to think she was feeling depressed, Yuzuriha perked back up and immediately started rubbing her cheek against mine again. I really never expected this kind of response. Just how confident is she about her soft cheeks? And this means she’s surprisingly self-aware about her status as a pet in our group. If all that cuddling wasn’t just for show, we might be seeing the birth of quite the flirt…..unless she’s been one this whole time?
Going off of what she said though, everyone else? Does that mean Ranko has been groping Yuzuriha’s cheeks just like Honoka and Saki? Was she just too embarrassed to do it in front of us? I glanced towards Ranko while wondering this, but she immediately avoided my gaze. Which pretty much confirms it. You’ve been having secret yuri yuri time behind my back have you? How nice for you…. I mean it. Good for you Ranko. Secret yuri is the best.
I took my time enjoying squeezing Yuzuriha’s cheeks from a position that nobody else has gotten to have. Then the moment got even better when Honoka hugged me from behind again. Of course, as she is so prone to doing, she started groping my chest again. This time though I’m in a position where I can’t really do anything about it.
I sighed and turned my gaze away, only to see Ranko sitting in the seat directly across from me with her phone pointed at us. She usually has a much cooler expression on, but right now her expression looked so gentle it was almost scary.
“Oh, yuri is so incredible. Right, Yuriha….?”
She seemed overjoyed to be seeing our yuri-yuri time. To that point, did she just use the actual word ‘yuri’ there? Is Ranko a fan too? Come to think of it, the book she was reading before is supposed to be a romance story, and it did have two girls on the cover.
“Hey….what’s with everyone?”
I came out and asked the obvious question. In response, Ranko turned her head to the air, making it absolutely certain to me that she was intoxicated as well.
“It’s your fault…. Those chocolates you gave us had alcohol in them, and now everyone is drunk.”
“D-Did they….”
Not waiting to hear any response or excuses from me, she returned her gaze to the table and lovingly brushed her hand against the camera resting there. When did she get that?
“I have been using my phone and the camera to take photos and recordings this whole time. I wouldn’t miss the chance.”
“No, you can’t!”
Ranko, you absolutely can. Please keep it up. I will be making copies for myself later on. And then every night I can peacefully fall asleep while remembering this sweet yuri yuri time. And I can only imagine the kind of yuri dreams I’ll be having thanks to it!
“Well…..I should be part of the video too.”
With those words, Ranko moved to the side of me that Yuzuriha wasn’t rubbing her cheek against and hugged my arm to her chest. Then, just as I figured she would do the same and start rubbing my cheek as well…..
*Chomp*……
“…….!”
A sweet sensation spread out from the tip of my ear accompanied by the scent of roses dancing across the tip of my nose.
“Oh, my apologies. I meant to rub my cheek against yours but accidentally bit your ear instead. Please forgive me.”
“What kind of mistake…..?”
There’s no way that wasn’t on purpose! …..It’s embarrassing sure, but also confusing. Is Ranko really that drunk? I’m surrounded as I slump down towards the floor with Yuzuriha on my right, Honoka hanging on my back, and Ranko close to my right. The clubroom has turned into chaos. I’m surrounded by three beautiful girls, and…… Hm? No, wait, chaos isn’t the right word. What am I thinking of? Heaven. That’s it. This is heaven. Everything happening is coming from so far out of left field that I got a little confused there.
But, even if everyone is drunk, everyone being so clingy like this feels……weird somehow. Don’t get me wrong, this is amazing yuri time. I couldn’t be happier. It’s just….happy doesn’t equal excited. In the romance books I read, there’s always this tension running through that I just can’t get enough of. But is that all this is for me? Am I just looking to recreate those “tactics” and “misunderstandings” from the books I read? Maybe….I’m just in love with the idea of being in love?
Experimental Translations 