Noblewoman Couldn’t Have Done Anything Because She was in Prison
Gradually, harassing Rachel had become something of an extracurricular activity for Prince Elliott and his friends. Day after day they would make their preparations while hanging around the dungeon.
Currently Elliott was giving out instructions in the backyard, confident in his plan this time, when the essential Rachel peeked out from the nearby ventilation window.
“Sykes, are you there?”
Sykes walked over to the ventilation window, curious why his name had been called.
“What is it?”
“I guess I need to apologize for before? Sorry.”
“Shouldn’t you say that to Margaret!?”
So Elliott yelled.
But Rachel ignored the Prince’s bluster, instead giving Sykes an embarrassed grin.
“Well actually, from time to time since I was put in here I’ve been sending the occasional letter to some of my friends……..so Martina and Margaret……”
“Wha!? You didn’t, you told Martina about Margaret!?”
Sykes bolted upright as his boss’s ex-girlfriend made a small, apologetic *Teehee*, sticking her tongue out of her mouth and hitting her own head.
“I did tell her………..and she came.”
“She came to visit me in the prison the day before yesterday~,” as the words left Rachel’s mouth, Sykes had already started running as hard as he could.
“H, Hey, Sykes!?”
The other men scattered around the backyard called out to him confused, but it was unclear if he just didn’t hear their calls or was just ignoring them instead.
Meanwhile the one person there who was aware of Sykes’s circumstances, Elliott, had gone completely blue in the face.
“Rachel, what was it that you said to her!?”
“The main points of the letter was just that I had my engagement broken off and arrested though? But, the only thing she reacted to was the little part where I mentioned that Sykes and Margaret had become close.”
“Obviously! Oiiiii! We’re going to return to the palace immediately! Sykes is in danger!”
Everyone else who wasn’t as in the know tilted their heads to the side, confused even further by the Prince’s sudden attitude change.
In the conference room where the top brass of the knight order had assembled to meet, the order’s knight commander Sir Abigail was stroking his magnificent beard while intently listening to a report.
And then, the sound of frantic steps coming from the corridor outside filled the room.
As you’d expect from a group of veteran knights, they were able to tell that despite the echoing tumult, it was all coming from a single person.
“What is it? Oi, someone go take a look.”
Given an order from the commanding officer himself, one of the young knights in attendance rose from his seat and walked towards the door……but the door was thrown open as he reached for the doorknob, blowing him over to the side of the room.
Every knight jumped to their feet immediately, their hands resting on the pommels of their sword ready to fight………only to see a terribly upset Sykes standing in front of them.
Removing his hand from his sword, the dumbfounded knight commander muttered his son’s name aloud upon seeing that was who had burst through the doors.
“Father! Give me some money!!”
For some reason the knight commander’s idiot son had come barging in during an important meeting demanding some pocket money causing each member of the knight order’s top brass to rub their temples at the same time. Sir Abigail took a deep sigh, acting as the voice for the group when addressing his trembling son.
“Sykes…..even though you’ve already become not just an adult but a true knight, you intrude on an official meeting and demand pocket money from me while I’m on duty……..are you alright in the head Sykes!? Even under normal circumstances, aren’t you already facing criticism for not remonstrating His Highness over the matter with Ms. Ferguson? Not to mention the fact that you already have a fiancee yet you’re getting all bashful with His Highness’s lover! Anyone with any common sense would give you the cold shoulder! Is this money so you can buy a gift for Miss Poisson? If you’re looking to be more dependable, then how about doing something for Martina!”
Fiercely shaking his head, Sykes plainly responded to his father’s sermon with his own shout.
“That very Martina read a letter from Miss Rachel and is on her way! HERE! Save your preaching for later Father! Right now give me some money so I can run away!”
Sir Abigail immediately reached his hand into his breast pocket, pulled out his wallet, and threw it at his son. At the same time he began barking orders to the other knights in the room.
“All knights, battle stations! I want all men stationed in the suburbs mobilized into a square formation! Each soldier is to be equipped with large shields and prepared for a siege! We have to stop her before she gets too close!”
Each of the knights rushed to their assigned tasks. Angry shouts were thrown this way and that during this sudden state of emergency.
“What the hell is the eastern administration doing!? Weren’t they supposed to be watching Miss Evans!?”
“It was the Equestrian Company’s job to monitor Evans! Wasn’t that forty elite soldiers!?”
Sir Abigail looked back to his son and pointed north.
“Take our fastest horse and head for our northern headquarters in Sand Valley my son! You can borrow some more money once you arrive!”
“I’m sorry Father! If you survive, let us meet once again!”
And so Sykes turned on his heel to disappear without bothering to grab any supplies for his trip.
“You know that I’m coming, so where are you going when you haven’t seen me all day? Hey, Sykes……….”
Without anyone noticing, in front of the door.
With long black hair tied up in a ponytail, a love grim reaper stood in their way.
This girl with glossy black hair done up in a single ponytail that came down past her waist and smooth yet tan skin took a step inside the conference room. With a firm torso, she was able to walk gracefully, carrying her sleek and tall figure without shaking her core.
Thanks to her work on the front lines, her skin had been burned to a light wheat color without any need for makeup, so although it deviates from the standard beauty that most nobles hold ideal………the base features were still excellent making her look like a fine noble lady with large, sharp eyes and thin, elegant lips.
Despite the fact that those eyes were wide open, there was no light held in their depths.
She gave off a strange, murderous aura from her whole body that would make even large adults pull back.
Just looking at the figure of Martina made the dozens of knights in the room freeze.
This woman right now was dangerous.
In the ten year long history that Martina had been engaged to Sykes, this was the most dangerous she had ever been.
Confronted with this danger, the knees of these executives who had stared down crises many times over now shook with fear.
“What happened to those guys stationed in the fort……….”
One of the executives unconsciously muttered his thoughts aloud causing Martina to chuckle.
“As I hurried to depart, everyone tried to stop me from leaving………after persuading twenty of them with my fists, they were happy to see me off though………but persuading them did take some time which is why I’m getting here so late.”
The conference room fell into a shocked silence at this girl’s casual words…….before completely becoming as still as death. Seeing this woman now, not a single man there was stupid enough to doubt the validity of her words.
In that stifling air, Sir Abigail held his hand up to try and make her wait.
“Martina…..I’m sure you’re worried about those rumors concerning Sykes, but you still serve the knight order. Isn’t it a problem to just arbitrarily leave your post to come here and meet him?”
Martina’s sharp glare fell on the knight commander, shouting at him with tears pooling in the corner of her eyes.
“Of course I know something like that, but that doesn’t matter right now! As a withered old man, can’t you understand that Sykes is cheating!? I can’t carefreely protect the country during a time like this!”
“Please, give priority to the country!?”
“I won’t! I became a knight for the sake of protecting Sykes! When I made my vow as I knight, I replaced the words ‘for His Majesty’ to ‘for my lovely Sykes’! So isn’t my sword to protect my future with Sykes then!? I honestly don’t care about some decrepit old man I’ve never made such a promise to!”
“That, is the number one thing a knight must absolutely never say!!”
Leaving the group of stunned old men aside, Martina started approaching Sykes step by step.
“Sykes…….what is this? Can’t we properly talk about this………?”
“T, That, well……..”
From behind Martina, one of the knight captains made a hand signal. On his signal, a group of knights who had been holding themselves back until now slowly inched forward, attacking her from behind all at once.
With a speed that was impossible to see, a sword was drawn with a single slash being dealt to the left and right.
A few seconds passed.
To Martina’s right and left, four knights were blown away and left groaning on the floor. It looked like there wasn’t any blood spilled, but each of the men were clutching their chests where they had been hit.
“Hitting them with that speed, and her sword bruised them through their armor……….!?”
One of the knight captain’s unconsciously voiced his astonishment. Without even having glanced back, she was able to perform the near superhuman feet of simultaneously striking each of the armored soldiers that were attacking her from behind.
“Ah, as usual she’s amazing whenever Sykes is involved………”
“Indeed……..as you’d expect from the Pure Love Berserker.”
Martina had promising talent for her age, but her usual ability would only put her in the top five for apprentice knights. She should fall below Sykes who stood at the top in ability…….unless Sykes so much as passes through another woman’s shadow in which case her outrage somehow granted her superhuman skills.
“I thought she’d cool down if she spent some time on the frontier…….”
“Hasn’t she just gotten worse from not being able to see him? Wouldn’t she have realized there’s no use in trying to justify abandoning her post before now………?”
Secretly whispering to one another, the soldiers glanced over at Sykes. That silent pressure to, “Just get married already,” made him turn unusually blue in the face as he tried to object.
“Are, are you joking!? Thinking like that when it’s someone else’s problem……….before putting pressure on someone else, you should try marrying her!”
At that moment.
All of the spectators united in a singular “Ah………..!” as Sykes realized his own mistake as well.
Sykes fearfully looked behind him.
Before Martina could even enter his line of sight again, he saw that woman’s anger swirling around her in a pitch black aura.
Subjected to the violent burns of her anger left him too scared to turn his head any further……..until the ice cold sound of her whispers flowed into his ears.
“Sykes……hey, is there something about me you’re dissatisfied with? If you have something to say, you should say it. Please, aren’t you and I in a relationship? I, I want you to be honest with me……..”
With his fiancee’s begging, Sykes hardened his resolve and timidly tried to give her an answer.
“NOOOO! I don’t want to hear about it!”
“Even though I haven’t said anything yet!?”
Before being able to say anything else, Martina fiercely kicked Sykes’s butt, forcing him to pitch forward, rolling across the floor and landing on his back.
Before he could crawl away, Martina was on him, her sword digging itself into the ground right next to one of his eyes.
“Have you heard those strange rumors………..? I heard that recently Sykes has lost himself in some sow who goes by the name of Margaret………. Hey, Sykes. Aren’t you going to marry me? You’re not going to become some pig farmer right?”
Looking into Martina’s eyes, Sykes knew this wasn’t something she was joking about. Martina, the rumor had driven her completely insane.
Sykes floated a fake smile so as to not push her any further, working to bring her into his pace.
“O, Of, Of course Martina! I will……….”
“Don’t lie! I heard about it all day yesterday how Sykes has become crazy about that bitch in heat Margaret!”
Martina straddled Sykes’s chest, throttling the nape of his neck with a fist raised high.
Every emphasized word she spat at him was coupled with the low, sticky thud of another punch connecting with Sykes’s face.
The interval between hits was becoming smaller and smaller. The people quietly watching from the side were starting to get worried if Sykes was still alive.
It just kept going on endlessly…………slowly, rather than wondering if Sykes was still alive or not, the spectators had begun to worry whether his head was going to end up being beaten off his corpse.
The girl’s sorrow was obvious on her face as she straddled Sykes’s chest, screaming at the top of her lungs as her fist continued to move through the air.
………..and hearing that sorrow filled cry, everyone still gathered around thought to themselves,
“No, Sykes is definitely hurting more.”
Their hearts and minds had all become one.
Martina soon showed a distorted smile as she started to fumble around for the dagger hanging from her waist.
“Ah, Sykes……..the reason why you’re fooling around is because there are other women in the world right? Of course even I can’t kill every single woman out there in the world, so how about the two of us head to heaven together, where nobody else can get in our way? Fufu, in heaven it can be just the two of us forever and ever.”
The knights who had been silently watching until now finally started to move forward as Martina finally managed to pull out her dagger.
But then the voice of a woman who wasn’t Martina cut through the room.
“Stop! Don’t fight because of me!”
Everyone there turned to see who had spoken at the same time………and sure enough there was Margaret with Elliott trailing behind her.
All of the gathered knights’ complexion grew even paler.
The worst possible person came………..!
Sykes had already gotten the embers smoldering and now gasoline had just been dumped on the fire!
Sir Abigail started shouting at Margaret the second he saw her.
“Run away Miss Poisson! Martina’s already gone into Berserker Mode, and she can’t be stopped!”
Hearing a phrase she’d never heard before, Margaret was left confused.
The woman with the ponytail sitting on Sykes whom Margaret had never seen twitched slightly when she had entered and slowly rose up from where she was.
“Hahahah………so you’re that dirty sow, bitch in heat, thieving cat one woman zoo……..”
“The…….!? And who are you!?”
Margaret was stout-hearted and firmly talked back while her hanger-on stepped back out of fear. The woman before their eyes was clearly not normal. She was obviously insane. By the way, Rachel wasn’t ordinary by any means either, but she was at least sane.
The dark haired girl with unblinking, wide open eyes made a distorted grin as she pulled up the sword she had all but thrown away.
“I’m ever so pleased to make your acquaintance. I am Sykes’s fiancee, Martina Evans.”
Margaret lowered her head, not fully understanding the current situation as took a step towards her.
“For Sykes’s sake, who is being forced to go through a bad time because you seduced him……..”
“No, he’s having a bad time because of you.”
All of the knights’ hearts united as one once again, but none of them were too eager to voice their thoughts aloud.
Not caring what the peanut gallery thought either way, Martina’s twisted smile grew ever deeper as her reflection in Margaret’s eyes grew ever larger.
“………I’m going to take your neck!”
“Look out Margaret!”
Knowing what was going to happen next, Elliott tackled Margaret, pushing her to the ground as Martina’s large sword just barely passed over their heads. Nearly a dozen strands of her twin tails that lagged behind were sliced off by the sword’s edge.
“Tch! I missed!”
Margaret finally started to understand what was going on as Martina readjusted her sword in her hand. The realization hit her that had she not moved, Martina’s sword would have cut through her torso, a fact that made her face turn a sickly blue.
“Y, You…….don’t you know it’s dangerous to be swinging something like that around!?”
“Obviously. I’m swinging this thing around in the first place to take your life.”
Martina tightened her grip around the hilt of her sword.
“There are too many bitches in this world throwing amorous glances at my Sykes. So Sykes and I are going to live happily together in heaven, just the two of us.”
“Huh? Oh, really?”
“But then, a certain dirty looking girl could come by later on…………which is why so that you can’t come to the same heaven as us, I’m going to chop you up into a pile of tiny pieces right now and spread you across a pigpen where you belong.”
“Hoh………..so, ME!? WHY!? COULD YOU WAIT A MOMENT!?”
Martina slowly drew forward. Margaret slowly drew back.
“If we talk about this, you’ll understand!”
“There’s no point in arguing!”
Finally understanding that Martina’s head was completely and perfectly broken, Margaret turned around and ran away as fast as she could.
Martina moved to give chase, but because she wasn’t paying any attention to her feet, she ended up trampling over Elliott’s head, who was still lying on the floor after tackling Margaret to the ground, causing her to trip.
Martina hurriedly kicked the thing blocking her way as she stood back up, but in those ten wasted seconds Margaret had already run far away.
“Do you think I’ll let you get away!?”
Martina began chasing the red-headed girl down while randomly swinging her sword above her head.
One woman was chasing after another, almost like they were playing a game of tag.
In the background of the knight order executives handing out instructions to the rest of the royal palace’s guards, almost as if he were trying to come off a sudden bout of sleep paralysis………Elliott was left lying on the floor even as Wolanski walked up to him.
“Your Highness, that was absolutely magnificent! Miss Margaret is spiritedly escaping thanks to you!”
“R, Really……….? Haha, then it was worthwhile using myself as a shield……….apart from that, could somebody grab me some tissues to stop this nosebleed……….”
“Quit running sow! I’m going to change you into chopped meat for a charity stew to the slums!”
“Who would want to become something like that!? I am worth so much more than some cheap pork!”
While throwing barbs back and forth between each other, Margaret was charging forward like a sprinter in an attempt to escape.
Martina however was keeping pace with that speed despite wearing some heavy armor and still waving that longsword above her head.
Fear from the destructive force of the waving sword caused any courtiers inside the royal palace to escape themselves, jumping out of the two girls’ path. Every once in a while they’d come across some iron-clad soldiers wielding shields who would try to encircle Martina and pin her down………
But when Margaret glanced back, all she could see was those shield bearing soldiers flying through the air. Even though they should have been fully armored, one strike from that heavy sword left a large dent in their shields before blowing them away too.
This is bad. I’m going to get sliced up into a bunch of long strips.
Just like how you’d cut a daikon…………hey, who has legs like a daikon!?¹
No no, one person can’t try to play the funny man and a straight man on their own. Margaret was doing everything she could to try and find a place to hide before her breathing became too ragged, purposely ducking into narrow spaces to gain some distance.
Archduke Vivaldi was showing the Prime Minister a decorated jar he had placed near the entrance for any special guests.
“This is an earthenware jar I had commissioned from a recently popular young potter. Wonderful, don’t you think?”
“Hoh……..what a daring use of glaze to add shade and enjoy the gradation…….it’s enthralling.”
“Mm, it brings me great pride to leave works such as this for the younger generations to enjoy.”
It was here that one of the Prime Minister’s subordinates came running up to him looking like a flustered mess.
“Your Highness Archduke! Your Excellency Prime Minister! You must move immediately! There is a vandal rampaging through the royal palace and……..”
But before the assistant could even finish his sentence, urging the two confused men to withdraw……..the typhoon arrived.
“I don’t wanna!”
A small girl with her hair tied up in twintails tried to hide behind the Archduke’s lovely jar only for another girl with a ponytail to promptly try and cut her in two with her longsword a moment later.
Although it looked like she had maybe missed and the jar remained intact……..after a second the sound of cracking could be heard and streaks appeared throughout the jar’s surface. Right after the cracks had fully formed from the slash, the whole thing exploded as if hit by some massive shockwave.
Seeing off the storm that had come and gone in the time it would take someone to say, “Huh,” the Archduke grumbled to the Prime Minister,
“……….it’s my pride to leave this work for younger generations, but this isn’t what I meant……..”
Although Margaret wasn’t aware of it, Martina’s rampages whenever Sykes was involved was famous in the palace.
That’s why all the residents of the royal palace who were in the know stayed in their rooms, desperately holding their doors closed. Most of the doors wouldn’t open and the soldiers that came out every once in a while couldn’t be counted on, so Margaret was left frantically running down halls without a soul in sight.
“There has to be somewhere I can escape to………but isn’t there anything I can do to gain some distance………..!?”
“Waaait! Quit running you sowwwwwwwwwwww!”
Martina’s screams were sticking to Margaret’s back like the hatred-filled roars of a vengeful spirit. Although Martina had more substance to her, making her far more terrifying. The old saying, “Human beings are the scariest monsters of all,” crossed Margaret’s mind.
Margaret had run too much and already both her mind and body were reaching their breaking point. And the cherry on top, this hallway went in a straight line with a terrace forming a dead end in sight. On the other end of that should be the castle’s plaza and the large fountain at its center. In other words, outside.
Taking a glance over her shoulder, she saw that insane woman following after her had just entered the first half of the hall and wasn’t having any trouble breathing at all.
Margaret made up her mind.
“Alriiiiiiight, let’s do this!”
With all the strength she could muster, Margaret jumped off from the terrace……..kicking off the railing with her foot to give her the biggest leap from the starting line she could get.
The girl who jumped from the second floor terrace made a beautiful parabola……..leaping quite the distance and splashing down in the water fountain’s square pond below.
Margaret quickly rose to the surface, wiping the wet hair sticking to her face away, and hurriedly looked back up towards the terrace. Ponytail seems to have jumped off the terrace as well trying to follow after her, but when Margaret looked back, it was clear that Ponytail hadn’t landed anywhere close to where she had, crashing down hard onto the marble plaza below the terrace.
Although her running speed was the same as Margaret’s, Martina was weighed down by her armor and her sword, so she needed a lot more power to travel as far off the terrace’s railing. Margaret was barely able to make it to the plaza’s fountain, so of course Martina fell short.
Margaret made her way over to dry land while watching a group of soldiers cast a net to try and capture the beast. She suddenly felt weak in the knees,
“…………Ah~………I’m going to die soon………”
and just like that she collapsed, completely sprawled out on the ground too exhausted to move.
Rachel closed the book she was reading and looked over at the Prison Guard sitting in the front room.
“You’ve been sitting over there for quite the while today.”
“Ah……..this seemed like the safest place.”
A few days later.
In one corner of the knight order’s guardroom, Martina was sitting on Sykes’s lap, creating a lovey-dovey atmosphere while shamelessly flirting with each other.
“Hey Sykes…….do you, love me?”
“Yes, of course.”
“For our wedding ceremony, what type of dress would you like…….I’m not too confident in myself. Do you think a mermaid dress would suit me?”
“Yes, of course.”
“How many children should we have? I’d like to have around five.”
“Yes, of course.”
“If Sykes is already okay with it, then at that time nobody else need reply.”
“Yes, of course.”
In this joyous conversation between lovebirds, Martina was cutely asking her questions as Sykes kept attempting to nod his swollen head despite the neckbrace he was wearing making it difficult and mechanically giving the exact same reply like a pull string doll. Unless you were reading their dialogue off a piece of paper, taking away Sykes’s monotonous tone, it would be impossible to see these two as they are and actually think they were flirting with each other.
Flirting together while sitting on your lover’s lap for anyone to see, it was the type of licentious behavior even Margaret would be too embarrassed to try…….although none of the other knights in the guardroom moved to criticize them. Everyone else moved as if they couldn’t see the couple in the first place. Putting a stop to Martina’s (planned) sweet time with Sykes………that’s synonymous with suicide. Jumping off the castle walls would be a much easier way to die than being eviscerated by Martina.
From among the knight leadership peeking at the couple from outside the guardroom window, the knight commander absentmindedly started grumbling to himself.
“It would be good if Martina’s fits quietly settled down just like this……..”
The executives gathered around him began whispering among themselves as well.
“She keeps picking questions that can be answered even with Sykes’s broken replies, so do you think that means she’s actually calmed down?”
“No, I wonder…….? She might be just doing whatever she likes for now.”
“If something like a lover’s quarrel were to ever happen, then it would probably lead to the other day all over again………”
With everything that had happened the other day, Martina had clearly taken a step further than the country’s current high criminal, Rachel, and it wouldn’t have been strange if she had been thrown in prison instead……..although as long as Sykes doesn’t say anything wrong, any domestic violence can slide past no questions asked.
No, even if you were to leave Sykes’s beating aside, there would also be charges of assaulting your fellow soldiers • invading the royal palace • talking back to a superior officer • violating your oath • violence against the Prince • desertion • destruction of property • interfering with the duties of a civil servant • disrespecting the Archduke • being caught red-handed trying to assassinate the daughter of a baron–there were enough charges here to lock her up for life three times over……..but everyone from as high up to the Archduke to as low as a common rank-and-file soldier wanted to avoid getting involved with that love-minded (?) Martina as much as possible, so before anyone knew it, the incident had been left unsettled with nobody wanting to pick it back up.
So now instead, the officers of the knight order were asked to come up with preventative measures to her outbursts which was why they were all silently sitting around right now scratching their heads.
“In the end, the best thing really is to just keep them away from the royal palace. It would be the easiest way to keep any damage out of sight. This time Sykes will go with her, and they can do their newly-wedded play somewhere in the backcountry. Even if she were to go berserk there, the fort should only end up half destroyed.”
Everyone there shared the deputy-chief’s opinion. Meanwhile Papa’s complex thoughts were causing him to heavily sigh by himself.
“I’d separated Martina because that girl was way too dependent on Sykes, thinking that sending her to the border might correct her personality somewhat…….but now, maybe the way forward is for Sykes to settle down and have a family?”
From the window you could still see Martina excitedly asking questions as Sykes mechanically gave the same answer over and over again.
“However, Sykes is sturdy. Surviving after taking a beating like that……..there was that time he managed to get over eating some rotten food from a can by just taking a bath too.”
“That’s a good point………but”
The knight commander looked around to the other knights gathered around him and suddenly changed the subject.
“Miss Ferguson was involved with this incident as well?”
“The person in question readily admits to it. She apparently sent Martina a letter telling her everything that was going on.”
“Well if you wanted to get rid of Sykes, then telling Martina about Miss Poisson is a surefire way of doing it.”
“She didn’t do anything wrong, yet she was the cause of all this trouble……..”
The knight commander gazed up towards the wide open sky.
“If His Majesty’s party doesn’t come back soon……..I’m afraid Miss Ferguson’s escalating harassment may just bring the royal palace to ruin.”
“Hahaha, I wonder what kind of hand she’ll play next.”
“Why are you saying something so ominous!? Talk like that and something even worse than now will end up happening!”
Nonetheless……..so long as Prince Elliott and Rachel’s relationship remains as is, then there is no doubt something like this will end up happening again.
The heads of the knight order’s executives hung low, crestfallen while imagining the bleak future yet to come.
1. So the joke is pretty self-explanatory here. You do cut daikons lengthwise into long strips. Also the Japanese term for cankles or just fat legs literally translates to daikon legs. So the the line would more directly translate in english as just, “Just like how you’d cut a daikon……..hey, who has fat legs!?”