The New Principal is a Dangerous Creature
It is the day after the classroom turmoil over who would participate in the final event of the sports meet. During the school’s lunch break to be exact. There was a tense atmosphere hanging in one particular corner of Sophie’s classroom where the students had gathered.
“If I win, I get to run in the hundred meter relay. And you and your grey hair have to sit out of the sports meet, got it!?”
“The conditions have changed!? Fine, I won’t lose anyway!”
Even though they are usually quarrelling with one another, Sophie and Marco managed to decide the terms of their bet pretty easily just like this. An adventure board with its pieces already set in place sat between them.
It was finally time to settle the matter. More than half of their classmates were surrounding their desks to see who would manage to come out on top.
(If everything Mr. Asterios taught me was true, that means I am at a disadvantage in this game right? Uuu…….I didn’t know anything at all about adventure board until yesterday, so why did I agree to this……..)
Basically, even a novice can be good at chess and adventure boards as long as they’re smart…….that is the fatal prejudice many kids believe when they think that only smart people can be good at these kinds of board games. That is certainly the misconception the children of Sophie’s class were having at the very least when they thought that Sophie would easily sweep Marco away. Honestly Sophie was also a little guilty of this crime when she thought that a little practice would be all she would need to secure victory, but after all the training she received yesterday, she was now filled with regret and wished she had changed the competition to something else. That regret was now building and anxiety was overtaking her as the game began.
(But I don’t want to run away from Marco after all this…..it’s okay; I just need to remember what I was taught yesterday……!)
Sitting down on the adventurer side of the board, Sophie stifled the anxiety growing in her heart as she faithfully followed Asterios’s teachings and moved her magic swordsman piece.
Turning back the clock a few hours, we find ourselves on the village’s main street. …..making their way to the school after leaving the inn together, Shirley and Asterios ran into some surprising people when they reached the school’s front gate.
“Hello there…..fancy seeing you two here.”
“No, that’s what we should be saying. Shirley aside……”
“Right. Why is Asterios here?”
Kyle and Cudd (and Leia who isn’t here at the moment), are all graduates from this school. That being the case, it isn’t like they would be coming back here to help out after they’ve already graduated.
“Cudd’s sister and some kids from my orphanage are enrolled right now, and the school wanted to bring in the parents so they could fill them in on the upcoming sports meet.”
“But my parents and the priest in charge of the orphanage were all busy, so they asked us to come here in their stead.”
“I see. So that’s how it is?”
Although not exactly a regular occurrence, it does happen that older siblings could be sent to handle school-related issues if necessary. Having heard of such things before, Shirley nodded her head as if she were convinced.
“Even so, it’s been awhile since we’ve gotten to see you Asterios.”
“Is your training with the new adventurers going well? They aren’t giving you too much trouble I hope?”
“Hahahaha. Well, no less than the last batch at least.”
Cudd, who would frequently get into fights with Leia on their way to any requests, turned his eyes up towards the sky and said nothing. Kyle couldn’t even make a wry smile as he remembered the number of times he had to break things up between the two.
“More importantly, I heard about you two. Congratulations on reaching D rank. I know it’s a bit late, but I wanted to praise you for your efforts.”
Kyle and Cudd were both shy in receiving their congratulatory message.
For their contributions that led to the to the arrest of the Phantom Thief Crowley Arsene, a semi-immortal who has caused chaos across the world for hundreds of years, Kyle, Cudd, and Leia were safely promoted to the D rank.
As proof, the identification tags they were wearing changed from the E-rank’s bronze metal to the D-rank’s black iron.
“So why are you here Asterios? Does a relative of yours go to this school…….?”
“No, nothing of the sort. However the Witch wanted me here ‘To represent adventurers’.”
“To represent adventurers………?”
Wasn’t this supposed to be a discussion about the sports meet? Shirley’s head tilted to the side as conflicting accounts over Canary’s intentions came to light.
Just what is she planning this time……walking through the school gate with an unpleasant premonition already floating over all their heads, Cudd and Kyle followed after Asterios and Shirley across the school grounds and to the front entrance where the students’ shoe rack would be. It was there that they encountered a familiar person.
“You’re finally here. Long time no see…….well, for three of you at least.”
The man was wearing a choker around his neck with an intricate magic pattern carved into the front along with a white suit and top hat. With the addition of the monocle he had on, the man greeting Shirley and the others was the perfect picture of a “phantom thief”――――
“Allow me to introduce myself again. I shall be assuming the position of new principal of this school. I, the evangelist of love for the unripe forbidden fruit that are little girls, Crowley Arsene”
Before the man could say anything else, Shirley crafted a scabbard using her imaginative alchemy and slammed it against the man’s jaw at a speed faster than sound.
A deafening crack filled the air after Shirley pushed her strengthening magic to the utmost limit and threw everything she had into launching a man twice her size into the air followed by a loud smack as that body came crashing back onto the ground. When the dust cleared and the echo subsided, there lay Crowley Arsene, the so-called Phantom Thief who caused an uproar at the royal castle during the Summer Solstice Festival…….or the tanuki Raccoon who had played as him. Canary’s former familiar was lying in the dirt with stars circling around his head.
“What’s with the noise? What the hell is going on out here?”
Hearing the commotion, Canary popped up out of nowhere. She was met with an ice cold glare from Shirley whose voice alone threatened to wring her neck.
“That’s what I want to ask…..why is this pervert here?”
“T-That’s right! And what does he mean he’s the new principal!?”
This “Phantom Thief” is originally just some puny raccoon with a thing for little girls and would commit the heinous crime of kidnapping them until they had grown too old for his tastes where he would return them to their parents. In other words, he was an extreme danger to Sophie and Tio and a grave enemy Shirley had to erase. With their little sisters being nearby as well, that put Kyle and Cudd in a similar position.
When asked for an explanation, Canary replied bluntly while trampling Raccoon’s limp body as she spoke.
“For whatever reason the former principal here decided he was too old for this and suddenly retired. So this thing was picked out to act as his replacement.”
“U-Um, Big Sis? Could you move? You’re stepping on me.”
Hearing Canary’s answer, Shirley’s anger boiled over. She summoned forth her Shul Shagana and shoved her red blade into the Raccoon’s body. He may be a semi-immortal and able to regenerate, but since things that hurt hurt, tears immediately welled up in his eyes.
“There’s absolutely no way he can act as principal…… This thing is a disgusting deviant with a thing for young girls is he not? What the hell is wrong with your brain for you to think it’s a good idea having him become a principal at a school where children gather……getting rid of him should be the top priority. My daughters are in there”
“Ow!? Owwwwwww!? It’s stuck! Your sword is stuck in me Mother-in-law!!”
“Who the hell is your mother-in-law!?”
“S-Shirley! He’s going to die if you keep that up!”
“Just calm down for now! Let’s just listen to what the guildmaster has to say first!”
Kyle, Cudd, and Asterios tried to hold Shirley back who had worked herself up into a frenzy after being confronted with a crisis that was now approaching her daughters.
“Have you managed to calm yourself Shirley?”
“Haa……Haa……yes, somehow. …..So then, why is this perverted cretin the new principal?”
“For crime prevention of course. Crime prevention.”
After a moment of violent struggling, Shirley finally managed to take a deep breath and calm herself down. And after asking Canary once again, she got back a surprising answer.
“It’s always the same. Every year we have several fools who are up to no good and try to sneak into the school at night. I need someone here who can catch and punish them so that these fools never try this kind of thing again. Plus, this guy is good at management and clerical work, so he will be able to handle the more serious side of being principal as well.”
“All the chores and busywork Big Sis made me do during the old days always becomes useful in the most unexpected of places.”
“You can’t seriously believe that is going to work……he’s the one most likely to kidnap someone, and I have to wonder why he hasn’t been executed or at least sealed away yet.”
“Shirley sure does hate this guy.”
The problem isn’t so much ability as it is behavior. The sharp chill in Shirley’s glare came from deep down in her soul, but Canary didn’t budge.
“There will be no problems on that front. Do you think so little of me? I made him resign a completely one-sided contract with me, and he is now completely sealed away inside the school grounds. His abilities have been severely limited, and he couldn’t leave these premises even using space magic.”
In other words, it was now impossible for Raccoon to break his contract and escape from Canary like he had done before. …….that is to say, he is doomed to spend an eternity in the hell that is being Canary’s servant.
“Besides, I give this collar my personal guarantee. Look”
Canary pointed down towards the tanuki she was still trampling. Despite having regained some of his energy, that tanuki’s breathing had grown quite labored, and his bloodshot eyes were now excitedly following after a female student.
“HaaHaa……little girls. Little girls here and there and everywhere…….. Fuehehehe…… H-Hey, if you come with me behind the school building, I can give you some pocket moneeeEEEEEEEAUGH!?”
“Like so, his collar is a magic tool that shrinks down and strangles him if it ever senses any evil thoughts. And if so much as a single fingertip brushes against a female student, the collar will induce a small electric shock powerful enough to make him piss himself. It will also paralyze him temporarily as a bonus. So him being assigned as principal is a punishment. Despite the little girls he loves so much being so close by, he will never be allowed to even entertain his delusions.”
“Um…..I don’t think it’s a good idea to be showing children a grown man wetting himself either…….”
Kyle and Cudd pulled back a step after Canary explained and demonstrated a collar that could strangle its wearer as if it were a bargain bin knick knack. Shirley on the other hand didn’t pay any mind to Raccoon’s suffering.
“……then, there is absolutely no danger posed towards my daughters…….is that what you’re trying to say?”
“Is that all you’re able to ask? Do you think I am the type of person to lie in regards to children? Have I ever disappointed in my assurances or guarantees regarding your daughters before? I have made the terms of this new familiar contract very~ tight, so there will be no problem.”
“Fu……leave it to me, and here is my solemn vow that I will ensure these children’s safety. If any suspicious individuals or terrorists were to appear, I will protect them with my life. …….Well, I couldn’t care less about the boys though.”
“……I suppose there’s no problem if you’re willing to go that far.”
“No, protect the boys too.”
As long as Sophie and Tio are safe, the other students don’t matter. With that thought in mind, Shirley decided to tentatively accept Raccoon’s appointment as the new principal.
“But there is one thing I have to ask. What do you plan on doing should someone come for Sophie and Tio?”
“That should be obvious. I will protect both Little Sophie and Little Tio while adhering to the no touching rule. Thus will I trigger a flag, and the three of us will leeeeeEAAUGHHHHHH!?”
The choker once again cut off Raccoon’s windpipe as his thoughts over Sophie and Tio began to stray.